Lonely
by magneticdice
Summary: Another one in the "A Future, Together" series. Ian is feeling lonely after returning to Chicago. He can't seem to reconnect with his family.


**A/N:** **So I wrote this like two weeks ago but I kept going back and changing things. I'm still not completely thrilled with it, but I'm gonna suck it up and post it anyway. Leave comments if there's something you don't like because I might consider changing it.**

**Lonely**

Ian was lonely. He wasn't sad or anything—not in the least bit. He had Mickey and Dimitri, so he didn't think he had the right to ask for more... right? But something was definitely missing.

Mickey had picked up on the fact that something was wrong, but no matter how many times he asked the younger man about it, Ian would shrug it off and tell him everything was perfect. Except it wasn't.

Ian had decided not to look for a job yet. Dimitri was still young and needed someone to be home whenever he was home, so Ian became that someone. It didn't feel like a chore, and he didn't resent it at all. He didn't even get bored. He'd already fallen under the kid's spell. It was hard not to, especially when he looked so much like Mickey. Dimitri was only four years old but he was already reading at a second grade reading level. Sometimes he reminded Ian of his brother Lip: both were brilliant, both loved to read, both had bright futures ahead of them.

_Lip_.

It wasn't that Lip was still angry at Ian for stealing his identity and enlisting. They'd reconciled long ago. Things just hadn't gone back to how they had been before, when they were both young. There was a time when they didn't keep secrets. They would tell each other everything, and were always there to back the other one up, even if it was a losing battle. Taking the beat-down from Mickey Milkovich and his brothers for Ian supposedly "fucking with Mandy" all those years ago was case in point.

Ian could easily say that Lip still being in Boston was the reason they'd been so distant over the last year, but he knew that was just bullshit. Lip, the brain-child of the Gallagher family, had finished his undergrad in only two years, masters in another, and was now busy getting his PhD in Robotics at MIT. The truth was that once Ian had learned about Lip's confrontation with Mickey after Ian's enlistment was discovered by his family, Ian was the one who was angry. How could he explain to his brother that Mickey had done everything in his power to _protect _Ian, but that Ian had just been too blind to see it? That was an argument for another day...

It had been almost a year since he'd gotten back. Sometimes, Ian felt like he was in a little bubble... A Milkovich bubble. He tried to reconnect with his family, but whenever he would go to the Gallaghers' house to visit his siblings, he would feel more lonely than before he went there.

Debbie was too involved in her social life—friends at school, boyfriend, etc. She was getting popular, so she didn't want to do anything to mess that up. Her days were filled with finding the right clothes and planning out the right outfits, coordinating her makeup, gossiping on the phone about who was dating who or who said what in class. She'd changed so much and she had absolutely no time to waste on keeping Ian company.

Liam was already 7 years old. The problem was that he didn't know Ian. He'd been gone too long and missed too much of his baby brother's life. A few times, Ian thought about bringing Dimitri over to play with Liam. They were only a couple of years apart in age, and D was intelligent enough to hold his own with older kids. Liam was obsessed with playing sports. He'd be outside with the other kids his age, playing games in the street at any given opportunity, which was something Dimitri had zero interest in. Plus, forcing them to interact would piss off both Mickey _and_ Fiona.

Carl was indifferent to Ian once he realized that his brother was not going to tell him about what he'd seen and done during his deployment. There were a lot of things Ian didn't like to remember about his time abroad, and they were _not_ stories he wanted to share with Carl. Ian knew that Carl and Mickey probably would have gotten along fantastically, but they never had that chance. Oddly enough, they had so much in common: their love of guns and knives, in particular, second only to their propensity to getting into trouble.

Fiona had decided that the benefits associated with an office job suited her, and she was excellent at sales. She had left the paper cup company two years ago when her secret relationship with her boss Mike had come to an emotional end, but she had quickly found another job at another company doing almost the same exact thing. Fiona was always busy with work and taking care of the three kids left under her care, while trying to keep her own social life alive. She didn't have time or patience to keep Ian company when he would feel the way he was feeling now: like an outcast; someone not welcome in his own home. Ian knew that was stupid since he had been the one to decide to leave in the first place. It had been completely his decision to go and stay with Mickey.

Everyone in his family now knew he was with Mickey, but nobody talked about it, especially not Fiona. Mickey was right: she was still holding a grudge and blaming Mickey for Ian leaving. Pretty soon, Ian started resenting them for not wanting to be more involved in _his _life. He kept his distance after that, only going to the Gallagher house for important things like birthdays. He and Lip didn't even talk on the phone anymore.

When the end of November rolled around, Fiona called Ian and invited him over for dinner. It was the first big holiday since his return. She even told him to bring Mickey and "the kid", albeit begrudgingly. Ian spent a whole week begging Mickey to go. He tried everything he could think of, including withholding sex, but Mickey wouldn't give in.

"The Gallaghers don't like the Milkoviches; nothing's gonna change that. The sooner you accept that, the sooner we can move on. I don't want my kid to have to sit through a dinner full of tension and hate."

Ian went by himself, but thought about Mickey and Dimitri the whole night, eating their Boston Market take-out alone at home.

It wasn't even a pleasant dinner. Lip didn't show up, and Debbie, now 16, invited her boyfriend Simon, who Carl proceeded to punch in the face for 'thinking he was better than them' after Simon made an offhand comment about Frank. It was funny how he'd forgotten about his family's magnetism for fucked up drama in the years he'd been gone.

Fiona called Ian later that night to apologize for the awkward evening, but Ian told her it was fine. A month later, however, when she invited Ian over for Christmas dinner, Ian decided to spend the holiday with Mickey and Dimitri.

When he'd been younger, Ian had only ever had his siblings as friends. Gallaghers didn't need more than each other. Mandy had been a bonus. She had been an unexpected friend that Ian hadn't even asked for, but once she was in his life, he wondered what the hell he'd ever done without her. The fact that she was in Detroit and that he hadn't spoken to her in almost two years was starting to eat away at him. He gave her a call on the morning of Christmas Eve.

"Hey stranger..."

"_Ian?_" Mandy sounded more surprised to hear his voice than she had been when he'd come out to her more than seven years ago.

"Yeah..." he answered.

"Holy shit. I knew you and Mickey were doing your thing now but I didn't expect you to man up and call me."

"I know... I'm a fucking idiot," he muttered. "I'm sorry."

Silence.

"Merry Christmas, ass-face."

"Merry Christmas," Ian said, laughing just a little.

More silence.

"So why'd you suddenly decide to grow a pair?" she asked.

"Dunno... I've just been feeling really weird lately..."

"Holidays?" It was like Mandy was in his head. He didn't even need to tell her what was wrong for her to know, even after all this time. Even over the phone.

"Yeah. I can't seem to connect with my family. I don't know how to explain it... I just feel out of place." He sighed before continuing to unload on Mandy. "I was there for Thanksgiving and it was just _horrible._ Fiona called again yesterday to try and convince me to go there tonight, but I don't want to be away from Mick and D on Christmas Eve. Plus, after what happened there last month, I don't even _want_ to ask Mickey to go and put himself in the middle of all my family drama. I feel like I don't even know them anymore..."

"Well, a lot's changed. You can't expect things to still be the same as before you left," she supplied.

"I know," Ian said. "I just feel so weird. You're supposed to spend the holidays with family and friends, right?"

Mandy didn't comment on that, and Ian was grateful. She didn't make him feel guilty for implying that her brother wasn't enough for him for the holidays, or that she was a horrible person for not visiting them for Christmas either. Instead, she changed the topic of conversation.

"So how's life with my nephew?"

"Oh my God, Mands, this kid is a little genius!"

"I know, right? Don't let Mickey fuck him up."

They both laughed.

After another pause, Mandy asked, "Why don't you try making some new friends? I can tell that you feel lonely."

Ian didn't really know what to say to answer her. He'd tried talking to some of the other kids' parents at Dimitri's day care, even arranging a few play dates with the different kids, but nothing had come of that. People in the South Side weren't so open to making new friends. Everyone had grown up there and already had their set of friends they could trust. They weren't just going to let new people into their lives, even though Ian was a South Side native, so to speak.

The fact that Ian was living with Mickey and taking care of a kid that wasn't his had already caused a few raised eyebrows. It was 2018. Gay rights were no longer the big issue they had been when Ian was a teenager. Over the last few years, the attitude towards gay people in the rest of the United States may have changed, especially with the passing of the Federal Equality Laws, but the people in their neighborhood still had a long way to go. Mickey was still in the closet, and Ian didn't even care as long as they were honest about their feelings towards each other.

It was hard to befriend anyone while still keeping the details of your life private.

He never did answer Mandy's question.

"So, umm... Think you can come down to Chicago anytime soon?"

He could tell she was smiling. He just knew. "Yeah. We can work something out. I want John to meet Mickey and Dimitri anyway. It's about time."

"John?" Ian mocked. "You're dating a guy named John?" He could barely hold in his laughter. "Could his parents find a more boring name?"

"Hey, leave his name alone," Mandy said, trying to act offended but also laughing a little. "His parents are actually kinda decent. Not that that's hard when compared to ours. I mean, just the fact that they were _there_ puts them in a whole other category!"

They laughed together, aware yet uncaring of the fact that they were both so completely fucked up from their upbringing.

"I really miss you," Ian said softly.

"Yeah... Well, maybe you should have thought of that before fucking off to the army for four years."

Ian grimaced, knowing just how right she really was, but before he could apologize again, Mandy interrupted his thoughts.

"Relax. I know you had to. I'm glad you got back okay. And I'm glad you called me. _Even if it took you a fucking year to do it!"_ She didn't say it with malice, but she did shout. "I gotta go. We're going to John's parents' place for dinner tonight, and I'm nowhere near finished wrapping all the gifts for his nieces and nephews. I sent Dimitri another book, so look for it in the mail."

"Okay. So I'll see you soon?" Ian asked.

"Definitely. I'll call Mickey and set something up."

"Bye Mands."

"Later."

Once he was off the phone with Mandy, Ian reflected on their conversation. She was his best friend, and almost five years of not seeing each other hadn't changed that. Never could.

Despite the awkwardness of Thanksgiving, Ian was still sad that Mickey didn't want to go to the Gallaghers' house for Christmas. Ian tried to hide it and to enjoy the night, but he could tell his disappointment was obvious to Mickey.

Ian baked cookies with Dimitri to leave out for Santa, read him "The Night Before Christmas", and he and Mickey even stayed up with Dimitri in the living room so that he could see Santa come in the middle of the night (even though Dimitri only made it 'til 10).

Ian was sure his moping was the reason Mickey was so affectionate that night, but if Mickey wasn't going to make him talk about it, Ian sure as hell wasn't going to complain. With every kiss and every lick... every sigh, every moan and groan... with each touch and thrust, Mickey let Ian know that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. It was the hottest, most passionate sex they'd ever had, second only to their "reunion", when Ian came back to the Milkovich house after his four year absence.

They lay in bed afterwards, trying to catch their breath. Mickey was on his side, facing the door, and Ian was behind him. Their sweat-slicked bodies shone in the little bit of dim light that managed to come in from the street through the closed blinds. Ian reached to pull the blanket up to cover them in case Dimitri woke up and decided to come in. (They'd learned that the hard way.) As he brought the comforter to rest over their chests, Mickey reached his hand back and grabbed Ian's arm, then pulled it over to drape his stomach. It was Mickey's way of cuddling.

Mickey turned his head back to give Ian an awkward kiss over his shoulder. "Look," he said, voice so low it was almost a whisper. "I know you're sad because Christmas is a time for being with family and shit. I just want you to know that you're my family now... I'm glad you picked us tonight. Merry Christmas, Firecrotch. I love you." With another kiss, Mickey turned back and Ian heard his soft snores begin almost instantly.

That was when Ian knew he had made the right choice, even though it wasn't really a choice at all. This was his family now. He would always choose Mickey, every single time. He was loved. He was complete.


End file.
